I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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