you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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