totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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