Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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