Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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