somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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