We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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