i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize