sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize