Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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