She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it because I queefed?
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize