No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize