I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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