the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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