Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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