Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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