he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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