I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize