You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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