Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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