I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize