The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize