Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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