Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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