girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize