so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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