I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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