My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize