I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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