Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am one with the molecules
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize