I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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