yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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