Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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