I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize