oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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