census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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