Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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