frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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