I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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