girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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