I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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