so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
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T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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