I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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