Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize