Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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