You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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