I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize