I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the condom got lost in my hair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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