Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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