I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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Randomize